Thursday, March 5, 2015

Men of Reverie

Today, along with a lot of many other days, found her lonely. An indescribable loneliness and only when she had heard the pastor say "If you are in a relationship, and your mate doesn't truly know you... you will look for someone to truly know you." Those words had made her burst out in tears and of course her husband, who sat beside her, had no idea why she might be crying.
Too many days she had been lonely. Too many days she had had no one to talk to -no one to look her in the eyes and want to know her or the things that mattered to her. It was only now 8 years into her marriage that she found out why she was so dissident to the idea of being in love and the ridiculousness that it all seemed to be.
To be sure, she had had glances of what it might be like. Times that were so brief that they had been like the flashes of sunlight through the trees on a drive. Blinding and gone almost instantaneously.
Those moments when the men in her life looked into and wanted her. They wanted her. But then it was gone because she wouldn't fit the bill. These men, that later, came to her (all but one) and begged for her to see in them what she had seen before. It was too late by then. She had already committed to "loving" and "being loved" by the man that would become her husband. Only to come to the realization that she had never truly been loved by him. He had never even given her a flash of brilliance that she could lean on in her loneliness. Instead, she was left with the memories of the intense insight into her soul that other men had given her.... and she thought of those moments often.

The first time Cory had kissed her. He had caught her off guard and had squeezed her into him wrapping her in his arms on a humid summer night so tight that when her knees buckled with the intensity of the longing that had been between the two of them for the past two years... he held her up. She would never be the same after that kiss. She would never have another kiss like that. He was like a drug in that the bliss she felt the first time would never be again matched or surpassed by another. In the morning...they had gone their separate ways. She knew it was over as soon as she saw the daylight come through the window...and she knew it would never be over.

Being with Jacob was like looking into a mirror. When she read Emily Bronte's words in The Wuthering Heights, "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." She was finally able to verbalize what their connection was. When they had met at the mall, they became fast friends. And would take many years before she realized how much he loved her.

He came in one day with his sister-in-law. The next time he came, he was alone. She was already smitten with him that second day. They had an easy going rapport from the moment they met. He was possibly the quickest witted man she had ever met. That was enough to enrapture her interest. Though, their first kiss would not make her knees buckle. She had squealed with delight the whole way home that night. He was The One!

Brad, by far the most intriguing man she would ever meet. She knew from the moment that she met him face to face that they would never end up together but she also knew that she wanted more and more of him every time he spoke.

She had cried in the parking lot that afternoon.  For the first time in her life she had been without direction. The man she had been with, and wasted her life with, had finally owned up to being a cheat. The job she was stuck in was one that made her question her ability to achieve what she had st out to achieve, and she had not one friend. That night when a sweet, kind, and half drunk man would stumble into her life she would be okay again. It was only years later that she would realize how she had hit rock bottom and he had pulled her out.

The first time she met Blane. She had fallen in love at first sight. In all honesty, she had. And when he was introduced to her by her boyfriend he pretended to be preoccupied. As much as she knew this and was shocked by her unknowing betrayal of the man she was with... Blane knew it to. The intensity of their connection was shocking for them both. He would be the only one after that.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Merry Christmas

Photo Card
View the entire collection of cards.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Dreams...and blooms

Is there a reason why I am dreaming of old boyfriends and old jobs? I guess my sub-conscience knows...we are 81 days away from our Wedding Day...

Spring is starting to wake the trees and bulbs... I saw a little patch of flowers on our walk the other day..

Good Morning, sweeties. It's delightful to see you.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Engagement and My Lonely Days in Colorado...

Right now saving for the wedding....
and having moved away from all my friends. I do things on my own. ALOT and frankly it's not too much fun. Oh well, that's life I guess.

On a lighter note. Some engagement photos...

Friday, August 27, 2010


Andrew propsed on July 16th...a Friday afternoon.

I knew it was coming... I am a terrible girlfriend, and a snoop. I found the ring in his closet (but I didn't open the box and look at it). I checked his email and found out about the reservations at The Grape - a beautiful little restaurant that specializes in gourmet food and wines. It is located right across the street from where we met. The Hurricane Grill (which had burned down). No, I don't take that as a sign ah Thank you.

The Day.

He had been adament that I have lunch with him at Chipotle. When I got there both of us were so nervous we didn't have a coherrent conversation.

In the afternoon I ran and bought a dress to where.
I called him and told him that I was going to happy hour with a co-worker just to make him squirm (like I said -bad girlfriend).

I made it home.

I came into a dark room with rose petals on the floor and a white satin runner *steve was here. Andrew stood at the end of the room in his one good grey suit and said: "Baby, come here." I was embarrassed and laughing then he asked: "Baby will you... (pause to get on his knee)...Will you marry me?"
To which I responded: "Did you ask my parents?!"
He had. The day before he had driven down to Houston and asked my parents in line at a Luby's. He ate, and drove right back to Dallas.

I said: "Yes!"

We kissed and I tasted alcohol. He said he had taken a shot because he was so nervous. Poor Guy.
I then went upstairs to find Steve in his sequined nun costume sing the Hallelujah chorus. HILARIOUS.

Steve made us an engagement video and we had a lovely evening.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I am my Father's Daughter.

I have this sense of adventure that needs to be fullfilled from time to time.

I have lost the interest in my current state of affairs. I have lost the zeal for the friends the job the city that I am in because my mind is 3,000 miles away in an adventure that is waiting for my body to be present. I am done. I have been. I have lived. I am no longer intrigued with the current eb and flow of this situation. I am ready for the change. I am ready for the washing of the wave of the unknown to over-take me, mix me up and turn me updside down to see where I end right side up. I am the Indian with wild hair. I am my Father's Daughter.